New from Dave Doolittle

Ensure your business will fail

Here are Dave Doolittle’s tips on how to start a business that will have as much chance of getting off the ground as a balloon filled with rocks. 1. Make your product interesting. People will run like prey from predators if something makes them think.  Take books, for example.  Books like 50 Shades of Grey sell like hotcakes while only a handful of people have ever heard of Shillelagh Law.  It’s a crying shame but proves the point.  Come up with something interesting and drive people to the other side of the country.  2. Be honest. People will believe anything but the truth, 95% of the time.  It’s a fact.   3. Base your business on sound ideas. Most people are morons and would prefer pet rocks to a cure for cancer.  Can you blame them though?  Just think of how cuddly and soothing a pet rock is.  Especially when that mole on your back looks suspicious. 4. Thou shalt not steal. People are never happier than when you are picking their pockets. Look at all the dimwits shelling out for pricey designer clothes, bedspreads, stinky odors, you name it. 5. Never employ poor business practices. Remember, theft, embezzlement, and…

  • Meg Whitman asks,  “Mr. Doolittle, I recently graduated high school, am good at math, and am considering a career in business. Could you recommend a quality business school?” Doolittle responds: Have you ever considered becoming a shepherd? You pretty much lie in a field all day while dogs do all the work, and you can utilize your math skills by tallying ovines to your heart’s content; an activity I imagine will contribute to a good night’s sleep. As for training, I would recommend you major in literature or philosophy, which will not only afford you something to think about during…

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